Overflowing

Do you ever feel empty?

Like the last drop has been squeezed from you?

Like you don't have any more to give?

I know that feeling.

But I also know my feelings don't reflect the truth, and that sometimes, I simply cannot trust my feelings.

I have a Source that continually fills my cup, to overflowing in fact. The only problem is that when I fill my cup with myself, I'm gonna run out...some days more quickly than others. Then, before I know it, I'm empty.

In fact, when I fill my cup with myself, I'm not giving the best I can give. I'm only giving with my feeble, selfish, prideful nature.....so maybe it's okay that I run out.

Because then I need a different Source, something other than myself. Something that lasts, something that refills, something that overflows.

When I'm filled with God, with what He gives - His grace, His Son-the only source of eternal life, His Spirit, His love - I never run out. In fact, everything I do is done out of an overflowing.........not an emptying but an overflowing.

But, here's what gets me, I've gotta choose this. So I'm forced to Face Myself and remember this:

My feelings will lead me astray.

My emotions will betray me.

Even when I feel empty, I'm not.

God has given me His grace. The same grace that allows us to breath each day is for me.

God has given me His love. The same love that sent Jesus to the cross is for me.

God has given me His power. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead is for me.

I am a branch that has been grafted into the Vine of His being (John 15:5). Everything that flows through Him, flows through me.

He has given me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

So, I'm not empty. I'm full, and I've got an eternal source.

Facing Myself today with Jess and the others over at the Old Nichols Farm

AND...

Counting today with Ann and the others over at A Holy Experience.

And before I actually link up, I read this at A Holy Experience,

"...we can get through today because we’ve been given every gift in Christ and today we can do the work of Christ because we’ve been given the abundance of Christ."

and this,

"In every way, every child of God has every gift from God and salvation isn’t only a free gift — it is every gift ever needed.

In Christ I need nothing – but to whisper thanks."

and I smile because God is just so good and I thank Him for:

#61. Jesus, who gave up everything to come to earth and do nothing wrong and die for me

#62. His resurrection and my new life

#63. the marvel of frosty winter trees combined with a bright sunny skies

#64. a quiet week to re-group and re-cover after yesterday's incident

#65. the husband greeting my tired self this morning, whispering, "Go back to bed. I made my own lunch."

#66. so many prayers from so many caring people for one toddler's broken arm

#67. the meal my mom put together for us last night despite her busy schedule

#68. the quiet hum of a furnace now working

#69. the friend who spent 3 evenings in our nearly 100 year old basement helping fix our furnace

#70. that Jesus is right here, right now, even when I don't feel Him

This is me, and I'm overflowing.

The Road I'm On

I've traveled many roads.

Looking only at a post-highschool time frame, I've been on the Marine-Corps-girlfriend/fiance/wife road.

I managed to survive the working-two-jobs-and taking-college-classes road.

I traversed the pregnant-and-working-what's-our-future-gonna-look-like road.

And mothering twins has brought me down lots of roads.

Each road that I've traveled has had it's own trials, it's own joys, and more importantly, it's own lessons. I remember so clearly the moment during Adam's second combat deployment when I realized that all of the pain and heartbreak wasn't just something to be endured 'til it was over. It wasn't just a time to survive and wait out 'til the better times. Even though this road was lonely and uncertain, it was worth living and embracing just as much as the happy moments my husband and I worked so hard to cherish and not take for granted. And in the embracing of the hurt and in the facing the lonliness head on, God taught my heart lessons, seasoned my faith in Him, and girded my soul with His promises.

And each subsequent road broad equally vital lessons; most importantly the lesson that even, and maybe even especially, icky life phases have incredible value.

I think about these roads often. And in doing so I'm forced to Face Myself now and the current road I'm on. Being a mother to twin 2 1/2 year olds has brought the worst and some of the best out of me. I've had to face the truly vile parts of my heart. I've had fall to my knees and beg God for wisdom and patience and grace and strength. Being the wife of a man working 14 hour days year-round to establish our new business has made me deal with selfishness and bitterness. It's made me look to God for gracious words to encourage him, to bless him, and to draw him away to spend time with family.

There are times I wish this road was over, but I know such thoughts are futile. There is some lesson to be learned, so I might as well embrace my road.

And I'll link up to Jess' Facing Myself Photo Challenge a bit earlier this month and cringe at how silly I think I look in the above photo! This is all about being vulnerable, right?



This is me, and this is the road I'm on.

(on a side note: I'm feeling a little insecure about my photos this month. Having the kids in my photos last month helped to ease the "I feel stupid doing this" feeling. Plus, the lighting oustide was very stark and I was having problems achieving a balance between getting enough light on my face and not making the background look gross, which I still think it kind of does. Any critiques for me on that? I suppose I could have cropped more of the background off.)

(Also, funny story for those who care:  Notice the spots on my left knee? That's blood - fresh blood. In one set of photos, I hit the timer button, pressed the shutter, and ran around my tripod. However, my favorite old working outside boots have NO traction and I slipped on the gravel falling to both knees! I heard the shutter click 5 times (I use the burst setting for my self portraits) as I brushed gravel off my paints. I now have 2 skinned knees and a bruise the size of Conneticut. Just gonna blame it on Jess!)

Putting Down Roots

My blueberry plants had been by the house all spring and summer. I had been waiting for the perfect spot to put them. And when the garden expansion project was finally over, at least the nitty gritty part of it, I knew exactly where to put them. They would be the first additions to the berry patch portion of the new garden.

I hauled everything I needed out to the garden, lamented over the condition of the chunky soil, told myself that soon the "new" dirt would be as beautiful as the "old" dirt in the "old" garden, and set to work.

After the holes were dug, I carefully lifted the blueberry plants out of the planters they had been in since May. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by what I saw - pathetic, small roots.

These plants had been in ideal conditions since day one. I planted them in a half and half mix of potting soil containing plant food and peat moss in an attempt to achieve the acidic conditions they need to thrive. They sat next to the house sheltered from wind and were watered plentifully and frequently.

What's the point in putting down roots when everything is perfect near the surface? But how will the plant survive tough conditions without strong roots?

Hmmm...are you feeling the same analogy I am? Yes, it is a tired, overused analogy, but the Truth is there nonetheless.

I was forced to face myself and the conditions of my own roots. Am I using the more difficult days of my earthly existence to put down deep roots into my Source of strength, my Source of eternal life, my Jesus? Or am I whining and wondering why conditions aren't more perfect on the surface? How will I survive the truly difficult winds of life?

I place the beautiful-on-top, pathetic-underneath blueberry plants in their new home, a new home that will not be kind to them. Like the rest of my garden, they will have to endure too much rain and too much wind and high heat and not enough rain. But just like the Gardener of my soul, I equip my beautiful plants. They get a generous helping of peat moss and are watered thoroughly, because, you see, I love them and I want them to bear fruit.

With the job done and dirt under my fingernails, I take the kids to see what treasures are in the rest of the garden.

(You see the gardening gloves in my back pocket? I always forget to actually put them on.)

And then I decide to link up to Jess' Facing Myself Photo Challenge  for the first time.

This is me. I'm putting down roots.