Still

When there aren't any fancy words, when winter is back with all of it's furry, there's still grace.  When it's the end of the day, and I still hear the hum of both the washer and the dryer that have been washing clothes since 6:30am, God is still here.

When plans were thwarted due to 15 inches of snow today, still God's goodness is evident.

When I've washed dishes countless times today and yet there's still more to do, and when there's still one more bed to make after washing all the sheets, still I will count and look for God's fingerprints of grace in my life.

Because in the seemingly ordinary and mondane, He's here sanctifying me, molding me into the person He's created me to be, and it's simply beautiful how He uses the cyclical, ladder-climbing-world-looking-down-upon tasks of homemaking to change my heart.

And when I want to scream out the door, "I am sick of winter!", when I can't find one more reason to be genuinely thankful for snow or winter, still God is creator and Master of the universe.

When the husband got up at 4:30 am and spent the next 4-5 hours moving snow, still to be snowed-in because our road is the last to be plowed and our tool truck would not make most of it's stops today, still God is master of our time and we were all blessed with bonus family time.

When the husband finally takes the tool truck to town and only has less than 4 hours left in his work day, still God is truly provider as He gives us one of our better days in tool sales and sends the husband home on time with a bursting cash drawer.

Still God is good, still God is provider, still God is here....

and still I count, adding to a list started 2 weeks ago but not yet posted...
#151. all the sparkles of new snow reflecting the sun
#152. bright blue sky
#153. the way God brings beauty out of ashes
#154. chipping ice off of sidewalks
#155. dry sidewalks to walk on
#156. mud puddles for tots to splash in with...
#157. new rain boots from Uncle Matt and...
#158. new rain pants from Nanna & Poppa
#159. a productive Saturday
#160. a quiet, relaxing Sunday
#161. a little boy 95% potty trained!!!!!!!
#162. extra family time due to being snowed in
#163. an outstanding, nearly personal record breaking 4 hour work day for the husband
#164. the way God seems to look for any excuse to keep His promises and pour out blessing (Mal 3:10)
#165. the way God seems to stretch the minutes we decide to use slowly and intentionally

Whether

Whether the weather be mild or whether the weather be not,

Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot,

We'll weather the weather whatever the weather,

Whether we like it or not.

click HERE for more cold

Bedtime Stories

*Edited to remove controversial topics*

Before I pulled the plug on naptime for the tots at this house, bedtime was getting a bit challenging for the 3 year olds.  With the transition to big boy/girl beds and with the bedtime difficulties due to naptime, I found myself laying in bed with my kids even after reading stories, talking, singing songs, and praying.....which is totally fine on occasion, but is not how I want my toddlers to learn to sleep in their new beds, with mom at their side 'til their asleep.
One night when I felt like bedtime had taken forever and I really wanted to begin my the-kids-are-finally-sleeping evening routine, I attempted to slink out of Jack's bed.

"No Mamma," he protested. "Lay with me."

"But Jack," I explained, "Mamma needs to take a shower. I stink."

"No, you don't stink," he assured me as he hooked his surprisingly strong little arm through mine, tightening every muscle in order to hold me in bed.

*sigh* I laid with him for awhile longer, watching his eyelids finally begin to droop. I shifted in his bed and started to sneak out.

He half opened his eyes and whispered, "You do stink."

I was just saying that in an attempt to get on with my evening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One morning we were all sorta sleeping in and we heard the tots overhead in the their rooms. One woke up, went and got the other, and the two tip-toed downstairs together.

In the early light, I could see two little blonde heads poke their faces into our room.

"Hi babies," I call. "Come here."

They climb up into our bed together. Kneeling on the end of the bed, Jack puts his arm around his sister and says, "This is my friend, Ava."

Ummm, nice to meet you....?

Sometimes

Sometimes life is an uphill climb.

Sometimes you're not quite sure if you will make it to the top of the mountain.

 

Sometimes you feel like you might be sliding backwards.

Sometimes life seems very out of focus.



And sometimes all you can do is crawl.

Sometimes you wonder if people are looking down on you.

 Sometimes the path in front of you looks a little treacherous.

And each step is a struggle.

But when you get to the point where you can look back, you'll see that there was Someone Bigger with you every step of the way.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.

They are plans for good and not for disaster,

to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11 



What I'm Thinking About

Sixty-thirty this morning found the husband out blowing snow in the dark. Actually, he had likely been out there for awhile already by the time 6:30 rolled around. The sound of the steady rumble of the tractor pushing it all back, making the piles bigger, carving out our path amidst the constant falling, slowly worked it's way into my slumber. Finally the annoying blare of the alarm sealed the deal, and I reluctantly worked myself out from under the covers. My body wants to sleep more, but I'm not thinking about it.

It's still snowing, has been since last night, and I can hear the wind blowing. I'm constantly comparing this winter to last winter. I mentally check off that the last blizzard of winter 2010 occurred at the end of January, about a year ago.  February was survived, and by the middle of March last year, all the snow had melted and we had one of the best springs and summers I can remember. It will happen again this year, right? A month and half from now we will be splashing in mud puddles, right? I better not think about it.

I wish I could get up earlier in the morning. I really do. I really want to. But it seems that 6:30 am is the earliest I can manage on a "normal" day without some extra activity requiring me to get up earlier. There's a lot I always want to do before the kids wake up: Bible study, Netflix work-out, blog....but there is usually not enough time and before I know it the kids are up and the day is in full gear. Then I blink my eyes and it's past 10:00 am and I've still got my pajamas on while juggling whatever it is that day usually brings - laundry, collecting library books to return, cooking, making shopping lists - with potty training attempts for the boy, all the "help me's," breaking up fights, and an occasional attempt at personal hygiene. I try to not even think about the glaring lack of nap time now, the fact that there is no promise of afternoon quiet to look forward to. There's no point in lamenting it.

So we make cookies and make supper, and I sneak in a few blogged words here and there while the kids decide to "go to Africa" (not sure where they got that idea) or fish out of the plastic picnic table turned upside down into a boat. But these short, short days in terms of daylight always seem so long and soon the sun has set and kids start hanging on mom. Requests, laments, and "I wants" are all delivered in a toe-curling whine. Constant reminders that "mom cannot understand a whiny voice. Please speak respectfully" are obliged momentarily but forgotten seconds later. Toys apparently loose all of their attraction after the sun sets, because no suggestion of play peaks interest. I am frantic for ideas of how to occupy time 'til Daddy gets home (and by the way, where is he? Did he drive into the yard without me noticing? Nope. No shed lights on. It's gonna be awhile. I'm not gonna think about it.)

I fold socks and re-direct behavior and state for the 381st time that "no, you may not have a snack or drink right now. We will be having supper soon." And in the madness of it all I notice my beach towels high on a shelf in the laundry room. An idea pops into my head which evolves into the following course of events:

"Jack and Ava! Let's go hunting for jungle animals!" There is sudden quiet and attentiveness.

"You two wait in the laundry room while I hide the jungle animals, and then you can hunt for them!"

Excitement and cheers ensue. The girl declares she needs a flashlight. The boy states he needs a gun. I turn and grab a flashlight out of the drawer and hand it to the girl in one motion, but it was still enough time for the potty training boy to have an accident all over the laundry room floor. So I haul him off to the bathroom for a change and a cleaning, wipe up the floor, and proceed with the adventure.

Ava needs help turning on the flashlight and a quick flip of the switch tells me the batteries are dead. So I tell my hunters to stay where they are at while I run down to the basement to fetch two AAs out of the husband's handy yet thoroughly anal battery storage and organization center.

With everyone finally armed and loaded and waiting inside the laundry room, I hide the jungle animals. And by jungle animals I really mean beach towels with tigers and leopards on them. And by hiding I really mean hanging from various doors and hooks in the house. One of the towels has a panda bear on it, and I'm pretty certain they're protected, but I'm not gonna think about it.

And it works.....sort of....because apparently hunting jungle animals is more fun with mom. So the socks won't get folded, the clean dishes won't get put away, and this blog post will never get finished, but I'm not gonna think about it because following the kids around the house in the dark with a flashlight is sorta fun.

So what will I think about as I dizzy myself with everything I'm not thinking about? When winter rages on, when I'm tired, when the husband's not home yet, when the house is now scattered with beach towels, what will I hand-over-hand, white knuckle gripped steer my mind towards?

The little blessings, the big blessings, the way they really do out number the annoyances...

And I read over at the blog that rocks my world these words:

the reward of the unhurried is the real life

Counting some more today with everyone else over at A Holy Experience. Read today's post and a hundred more thanks by clicking HERE.

Thanks Lord for:
#131. 24 hours away up north with the husband and no kids
#132. a beautiful wedding to attend
#133. the husband dancing 4 (say it with me, FOUR!) slow dances with me without any subtle prompting from me
#134. and that he danced 2 fun dances with me (even though I am sure he felt awkward)
#135. the tots having so much fun at Grandma's
#136. traveling time in the car to read
#137. grace from the husband with no words or complaints when I was uncharacteristically (or at least I would like to think that way) unplanned and unorganized for our little trip away
#138. that spring will come, the snow will not last forever. It might not be today, tomorrow or even a month from now, but the snow will melt and the sun will shine someday
#139. a quiet day even with all of the aforementioned
#140. monster cookies cooling on the counter
#141. that we still got to have supper together as a family today
#142. the way the husband scans my face when he gets home in an effort to determine the "temperature" of the home
#143. the sound of children gleefully having a tea party
#145. the screams of little girls being chased by "tigers"
#146. the sounds of little boys pretending to be tigers
#147. that my 3 year old boy isn't the only one who throws things in anger and is selfish
#148. the little girl wanting to clean up her room before going to bed
#149. the gentle snores of a very tired husband with more snow to move tomorrow morning
#150. warm air blowing on my bare feet while I type away

Happiness Is...

...a quiet Sunday afternoon.

Just the husband, the tots, and I.

With afternoon naps being severed from the kids' routine a few weeks ago, I'm still trying to create a new low-key activity to fill that void, something they look forward to, something I can rely on.

But Sundays are different, and during our after-church dinner this past frigid weekend, I proposed two afternoon activities for the whole family:

#1. build a fleet of spaceships using every.single.Duplo block (this was inspired by Jack's slightly smaller fleet built the previous day without any prompting from me, but he and his sister cleaned the whole thing up on their own before I could take a single picture)

#2. build the biggest, most elaborate train station we could with the wooden train set we gave Jack for Christmas

We did both.....and even combined the efforts.

Everybody had fun.

Everybody worked together.

Everybody was happy....even if I never made it into a single photo.

Oh, and the milk cartons? In this case, they were sky scapers. But why do we have them? Don't ask.



To check out more happiness, go visit this week's photo challenge over at i should be folding laundry by clicking HERE

What You Might Otherwise Ignore

"What gets lost is the idea that photography might force you to spend time looking at what is in front of you, noticing what you might otherwise ignore."

I read this sentence only recently in an article (read it for yourself by clicking HERE) talking about how the instantaneous nature of photography nowadays threatens to take away the experience of photography and more importantly the experience of life. This helped to explain my occasional urge to dust off my old Pentax, carefully snap some film into place, and attach my favorite lens which used to belong to my mother. Sometimes all that furious snapping away with the digital point 'n' shoot feels a bit mindless.

....until I slow down and use the camera cupped in my hands to help me see what is really there, what could get missed. Sometimes it takes me awhile to see what's really there; sometimes it takes a series of shots to find the beauty in the weeds, the hints of glory in a dying and decaying world. And I've said it before,

"...that's when one learns what's in a photo...even if you're still unsure about how to take a really good photo. You begin to learn what it means to take meaningful photos of your family and the world around you. You learn to see things differently, to recognize the beauty in things that you've never noticed before. You learn to isolate from the chaos the serene."

If there really is a slow photography movement, then maybe there is, or also should be, a slow life movement. I'm not saying I'm gonna clear down my schedule, wipe it clean, and lay on my back staring at the clouds all day. There's a place for that every now and then and learning to say "no" is a good thing. But that's not what I mean.

My to-do list for homemaking tasks alone will always be longer than what I have time to accomplish. And you know what? That's really okay. But hurrying through it all, driving a titch (okay, more than a titch) over the speed limit, plowing through my children's childhood, snapping through the moments in a frenzy just leaves me with a pile of flat, lifeless moments, like a pile of flat, lifeless pictures.

So what is the antidote? What is the anti-busy, the serum against the venom of fast-food, fast-photography, fast-life? How do I see, feel, hear, smell, experience.....what I might otherwise ignore?

Does it really start with something as simple as thankfulness? Does finding the little things to be thankful for really help slow my pace and help me take it all in?

After a few months of finding, counting, naming, listing the little moments of God's grace wove into my existence, I think it may very well be the key. For when I intentionally point out to myself the little things that bless, I find more, I see more......I experience more. Those things have always been there but that doesn't necessarily mean I've really noticed them, really allowed them to penetrate my dry soul. Those moments aren't just fate. They aren't just the collision of a few haphazard occurrences in a larger than large universe. Those moments are seen by God, allowed by God, directed by God. And unless I intentionally sear those moments into my heart, capturing the subtle nuances of all His light in each pixel-like second, I am left dull, an under-exposed, quickly snapped photo of a life.

So with or without my camera in hand, I want to see what I might otherwise ignore.

I am so blessed by and so thankful to God for:

#111. the super yummy homemade chicken pot pie given to us by a friend for no particular reason
#112. the delectable homemade monster cookies given to us by the same friend
#113. two little boys who let me cut their hair (some tears were involved on their part) so that I could do something to release all this "I-must-help-this-family" energy
#114. the friend is "home"
#115. the friend meeting us at the door without his walker (even with his wife insisting that he get his walker)
#116. the hubby and the friend hugging
#117. the friend giving me a hug, too
#118. two little boys acknowledging each other by patting each other on the arm before going their separate ways
#119. the smell of homemade bread
#120. my little boy asking for "more squash please"
#121. my little boy having one really good morning after so many challenging ones
#122. making peach pie with my little girl
#123. high temps 40 degrees higher than last week; it's 20 above zero!
#124. two little blond heads
#125. 4 little hands trying to knead bread dough
#126. a simple stew on a winter night
#127. the horsey-ride-with-daddy tradition after supper
#128. building a fleet of spaceships with Duplo blocks with the tots on a quiet Sunday
#129. juicy oranges
#130. chillin' out with the hubby on a Sunday evening watching a few episodes of Mythbusters

Glorious

I've been trying to stay really positive about winter this year. There are so many reasons to not like winter, especially now that I currently don't ski like I used to (the 6+ winters in a row that I did ski NEVER had this much snow).

The snow is now higher in the ditches than the road. Today we saw windchills of 40 below zero. Fun.

But I really don't want to complain. I really don't. People complain about the cold, and then oddly enough, 6 months later they complain about the heat. I would never dream of complaining about the heat. Ninety degrees and humidity? Ahhhh, bliss.

So when it comes to the cold, I'll bundle up and bite my tongue. And what's more, despite cabin fever, kids climbing up the walls, and ground temperatures hovering just above the not-so-great zone for geo-thermal furnaces, I will look for the beauty. I will stop and gaze at the meringue top fields, the icing covered trees, the city lights stretching long fingers of glowing light into the colder than cold night sky.

And I'll sing these words with David Crowder:

The day is brighter here with You

The night is lighter than its hue

Would lead me to believe

Which leads me to believe

You make everything glorious

You make everything glorious

Yeah, You make everything glorious

And I am Yours

What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen

The beauty of enormous things

Which leads me to believe

There's light enough to see

Oh, that

You make everything glorious

You make everything glorious

Yeah, You make everything glorious

And I am Yours

What does that make me?


Go check out some more circles captured over at i should be folding laundry.

Monday

It's Monday. The day when laundry piled high is sorted, washed and dried, folded and put away...in order to be worn and dirtied again. The day when beds are stripped and bedding is washed and put back on...in order to be slept on again. The day when dirty dishes ignored on a lazy Sunday are scrubbed...in order to be used again.

It's the day when lists are made. Lists for the days of the week and what I will feed my family those days. Lists for the food to buy at the grocery store to match the menu listed. Mental lists of tasks to complete and accomplish this week. And lists of thanks.

When the weeks of Christmas and New Years and living room projects and the numb week following a friend's accident all blend together and the habit of typing thanks on Mondays seems to be pushed into the shadows, I tell myself, I won't give up on my goal and I will catch up.

The endless ways God makes His grace manifest to me in the seemingly ordinary, in the miraculous, and in the humbling are all tallied and noted. I will continue to find the beauty in the plain, the glory in the ordinary, and the miracle in the pain. I will stop, I will let go, I will bend down low and once again step off this world's crazy train.

And here I am catching up and linking up and listing...

Thank you God for:
#81. "sleigh" rides for the tots at Christmas
#82. a living room remodel complete
#83. and completely paid for
#84. new games for Christmas to play with the tots on long, cold days
#85. meeting a girlfriend at the gym to let the kids run around
#86. a very low stress birthday party weekend for 2 little 3 year olds
#87. Netflix
#88. the cast off the little girl's arm
#89. little voices asking me to read "one more book"
#90. seed catalogs in the mail
#91. enjoying garden produce in the midst of winter
#92. the friend walking again
#93. the friend's brother driving over in wintery weather just to drop off the humidifier for our furnace
#94. the weight of a homemade afghan given to us by a friend at our wedding on a cold evening
#95. all the snow still clinging to the trees
#96. just enough time between snow storms to push back all the snow
#97. four wheel drive vehicles
#98. the whistle of a tea kettle ready to be poured out
#99. leftover ice cream cake
#100. the neighbor's grove
#101. and our grove with all it's wind-stopping power
#102. 2 tots converted to twin beds from cribs with very little "issues"
#103. grace for all of us when it was time to pull the plug on naptime for the tots
#104. bedtime going better because of no naptime
#105. the little girl starting to pray on her own
#106. the lovely children's book pointing out that summer really begins on Dec 21st when the days slowly start growing longer (conversely, winter begins on June 21, but we're not gonna think about that one)
#107. the smell and feel of clean sheets
#108. the meal prepared by the husband's mom during our remodeling project
#109. the weight of the little boy's hand on my head when he doesn't want me to get up and leave his bed
#110. that the two little bodies of my tots still fit on my lap in 1 chair all snuggled underneath an old comforter

Life with Toddlers

The little girl was helping fold towels and socks when the little boy walked up.

"No!" Ava says to Jack. "You can't be here. I'm doing this! Go to your bed!"

"Ava," I scold, "Jack can be here with us."

The girl turns sweet and says, "Okay, Jack. You can look at me."

How generous of you, Ava.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack wet his bed during the night and upon greeting him in the morning he says to me,

"There's pee in my bed! Yucky!"

I sigh and start pulling bedding off while he examines the wet spot.

He turns sincere and asks me, "You wanna smell it?"

I'm good, thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was one of those moments with my little Jack-hammer that leaves me feeling inadequate and unsure. He struggled against me and kept retorting in his most rebellious tone.

Trying to stay calm, I spoke in my lowest voice. "Jack it is your job to respect me. When you disrespect me, you are disrespecting Jesus."

Giving me that face of his, he replied, "Jesus is naughty."

My heart twisted. Proverbs speaks of a path of destruction, and this looks like one to me. Proverbs also says that the Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Laying him on my bed, holding his hands tight in mine and pressing them gently to his chest, I stood over him. I know all the modern parenting advice about "getting to their level" but this kid does not need an adult at his level. He needs to know he is under authority....my authority, just as I am under God's authority.

"Jack," I say sternly. "Jesus is not naughty. Jesus...is....God."

His face turns inquisitive and he asks, "Gowiaf is naughty?"

Wondering if I should get back to the subject at hand or if I should just run with this, I reply, "Yes, Goliath was naughty."

Excited now about something, he re-enacts David with the sling taking down the giant, and in his biggest big -boy voice he growls, "But the little boy knocks down Gowiaf and go BOOM!"....etc, etc in Jack-Jack language.

*sigh*