Once I was sorta joking.
And the other time I got a little choked up because I really almost meant it.
I wish I was having twins again. A boy and a girl.
It looks crazy all typed out like that. And I'm certainly not going to go so far as to say having twins is "easier" like I've heard one or two other mothers of multiples say (not that I would know.....yet).
But there's something about seeing them together now that makes me finally realize what a special gift they have in each other. From the moment their lives began at conception, they've always had each other. For better or for worse, they've shared nearly every minute of their lives. And while being their mother has required every ounce of God's all-sufficient grace (when I remember to use it), a heap of determination (at least this one comes naturally), and some sturdy arm muscles (if only I looked as buff as I feel), I'm trying to get myself to stop and recognize what's so unique about twin siblings.......something I probably didn't do in their early years when I was working so hard to balance identical routines for them with unique identities.
The year after their third birthday was tough - just lots and lots of sibling rivalry between those two - so.much.fighting. But since they've turned four, it's as if they've turned over a new leaf.
The first time I mumbled it to myself, the whole "I wish I was having twins again," I was standing in the kitchen watching them through the window playing so happily together. It's something I've done so often, but something about their camaraderie, their desire to share their discoveries with one another, and their care for each other just struck me in that moment. They completely get each other, even though they have polar opposite personalities, and when I think about just having one four year old, it does make having two four year olds seem easier.
The second time the thought jumped into my heart, the three of us were driving home. Jack-Hammer had stayed with one of the brunettes' husband and their boys so she and I and Ava could go to a jewelry party. Jack had a blast and in the short time we were gone, those 4 guys did as much guy-stuff as they could. There was some really minor incident with an excavator (a real one, not a toy) and Jack, and he had to tell me about it as soon as I got back. As were driving home, Ava turned to Jack and said, "So you fell off the excavator?" And the daddy caught you?" (which is a slight exaggeration of what really happened, but it's how Jack perceived the whole event). Jack answered, telling Ava all about the scenario. Then, after a brief pause, Jack let out a little obligatory sigh and said to his sister, "So what was the party like?"
I can't even remember what she answered, but I remember being so struck by this whole little conversation they had without me. They had been apart for 2 hours and had to spend some time catching up. My heart throbbed within me as I realized how blessed they are to have each other, and I wondered what in the world our lives will look like 4 years from now. I related their dialogue to the husband and asked him, "Four years from now when we have two eight year olds, who's the four year old going to play with and talk with and share life with?"
I suggested a two year old, but he only guffawed.