Wal Mart Makes Me Hyperventilate

I survived another harrowing shopping trip to Wal Mart today - but only barely.

Once a month or so I head to the big city an hour away (who's population hovers around 10,000 during non-tourist season) to do some shopping.

Let me say that the drive today was spectacular with leaves just starting to turn and a happy blue sky dotted with puffy clouds. So in that, there was some redemption for the day, but only some.

There were stunning photo ops at every turn on my drive, but I did not have my camera and I did not have time. So in that, there is sadness and a photo-less story.

I'm usually excited about my shopping trip to the big city. I drop the kids of at Nana's, I have my list, and I am dreaming about a few of the fun items I get to buy.

I buy my fun items. I get some great deals. I get a new pair of shoes. And I'm exhausted.

There are few things that exhaust me to the core as much as shopping does. And, as I always do in the big city, I save the worst for last. You guessed it - Wal Mart. I only save it for last because I buy food there, and even with the coolers in the back of my vehicle, I don't want the food hanging out in there any longer than the ride home.

As soon as I walk into the store, hear the hum of whatever it is that always hums so deafeningly in there, and wrap my fingers around the germ-laden handle of the cart, I just want to run away screaming...or curl up into a little ball and wish it all away.  But my list is long and I press on.

Even though I have conditioned myself to only purchase what's on my list, I still find the endless array of things to buy there dizzying. I make it through the health and beauty section, the garden section, the storage options section, the little boys clothing section (who knew buying socks for kids was so challenging?) and finally arrive at the produce section where I begin the last leg of my painful shopping journey.

By this time, my vision has narrowed to about 2 feet in front of me, and everything outside of that radius is a blur. My breathing is quick and shallow, and I'm chanting to myself, "just keep going, just keep going." I realize this all sounds very dramatic and even though I have a tendency to exaggerate, this is all true. I'm struggling through every painful second of this.

Why do I put myself though this? In the end, to save a few bucks and to purchase things I can't get in our home town. This metropolis of a store allows me to stock up on items to feed my family while still staying reasonably within the ballpark of our grocery budget.

I'm not even really sure why Wal Mart makes me feel this way. I'm not one of those that is strictly against how they obtain their products. My best friend from highschool traveled around the world on a ship for two years and saw first hand the good that factories making products for Wal Mart brought to underdeveloped communities. Those factories got those people out of the trash heaps. Their standard of living improved dramatically. I could go on, but Wal Mart has sucked enough time out of my day.

Maybe it's all because deep down I know that no amount of material possesions will last or satisfy. Wal Mart knows that humans are trying to be happy and trying to fill a void, so they offer countless products to band aid the void. Even if I could afford to buy everything my heart fancied in that store or any other, I will still be tired, empty, and dizzy. Even the few "fun" things I got to buy won't be "fun" by next week, and I will have a whole new list of things that I think I need. 

There is absolutely nothing in my cart or in the bags in the car that will give me lasting happiness or last at all. It's pointless to even attempt to fill my heart with the material. It will never satisfy.

In the end, all I need is Jesus. It sounds so simple, so impossible, so unrealistic. But maybe this world's "real" really isn't real.

"...do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about your body, what you will put on. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing." Luke 12:22-23

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also...You cannot serve God and mammon (money/materialism)." Matthew 6:19-21 & 24b

So I'll finish hyperventilating, push my heavy cart to the check out where I will wait forever, be thankful that God has provided the means to purchase these items, and work on filling my heart with lasting treasure.