Happy Birthday Darlings

I woke up around 4:30 am. I turned the alarm off, not feeling tired at all, and took a bath. I knew it would be the last bath I took for awhile.

I got dressed and dried my hair. My feet and legs felt puffy and all that work left me a bit breathless. At 37 weeks, I measured 43 weeks and had been on bedrest since 30 weeks.

I had a bland supper the night before of my favorite food, malt o meal, and would not be eating this morning.

Adam got ready, got the car, and I waddled out of the house. He started to put the car into drive, but I grabbed his hand and whispered, "Please pray. I'm kinda scared." A few tears stung at my eyes. I felt excitement and nervousness in my chest.....along with Twin A's feet.

He quietly prayed, and we pulled out of the yard. I knew nothing would ever be the same, but I just didn't know how or to what degree my life would change.

On the dark quiet drive into town, we discussed boys' names. We had a girl name and a boy name picked out, along with a few back-up girls' names, but we couldn't agree on any more boy names. We settled on one that was okay....and would just have to be okay if they were both boys.

From the very first ultrasound, the first of seven, the one where we found out there were two babies instead of one, we asked not to be told the gender of our twins. But deep down we knew. Twin A was a girl and Twin B was a boy.

And we were right.

With scheduled C-Sections there is just too much to think about. First you have to pick your baby's birthday. And then there's the counting down the days and minutes until the chosen day. But Twin B just couldn't decide which way he wanted to be, and when he finally decided on breech and when he was already Twin B as it was, the one with the greater risk, we had to opt for a scheduled C-Section.

And thus began the day that forever changed our lives. Little Ava and Jack greeted us with cries and wrinkled faces and all their infant neediness.

Now, three years later to the day, they have learned and accomplished so much. They have taught us, shown us our infinite weaknesses, blessed us, and left us tired and exasperated. In three short years, we have learned many times to accept a "new normal," develop new routines, and how to get through day after day, and month after month feeling tired.

We were a family before Jack and Ava came along and we'll be a family after they leave the house, but having them a part of our family for a few short decades is truly a privilege and terrifying challenge all at the same time.

I have some parenting goals this year. There are things I've slacked-off on recently and there are some things I need to do differently. Jack and Ava each need to work on different things. There's a path of destruction before them and there's the path God has made for them. Somehow I need to point them to God's path. But as un-qualified as I feel, I know that God gave me these two and He's also equipping me for each step of the way.

Their sweet faces, curious fingers, always hungry toddler tummies, and even stubborn attitudes have taken a piece of my heart that I know I'll never get back.

Happy Birthday my sweet ones.

"Love is the commitment of my will to your best needs and interests regardless of the cost."