The Toast

We were all dressed in our best. Me in my expensive red dress, Adam in his uniform, Ava in a flower girl dress found at a great price in a department store by auntie, and Jack in a hand-me-down tux with a brand new shiny red tie.

We had practiced with the kids....over and over.....on walking down the aisle side by side......behind Mommy and Daddy.

We were armed with suckers to coax little ones into group pictures, to reward them for getting to the front of the church, and to help pass the hours before the ceremony.

We smiled for a few hours of pictures by the coveted Visionari Studio, wrestling the tots into position and trying to convince Ava to keep her tongue in her mouth.

We survived a few melt downs and managed to brush the grass and maple seed "helicopters" off the little white dress. The sidewalk chalk from the previous Sunday's sunday school outing that Jack crawled through wiped off the tux nicely, and the HUGE scuffs on the hand-me-down black shoes from crawling on cement were covered up with a black sharpie.

We thought creatively through the few panicky seconds before walking the aisle when the little boy decided he wasn't going to do this. Momma carried Jack (who was completely done with all things wedding by that point) and held flowers with her left arm while holding the husband's arm with her right, and Ava walked right behind Momma and Daddy.

We smiled while standing up front, Momma and Daddy sending messages to each other with their eyes when Jack ran all the way back down the aisle yelling, "I want my Grandpa!"

We sighed with relief when the kids fell asleep during the 40 minute ride to the reception.

We ate the delicious meal from the wedding party table up front watching Grandma and Grandpa stay very busy trying to take care of the tots.

I felt my stomach begin to do summersaults as I thought of my upcoming toast. I felt I had written it in a hurry. There was so much I wanted to convey on behalf of my husband's brother and his wife. Our lives were intersecting at this point in so many different ways. I wanted to recognize the bride for all she had been through, and I wanted to encourage her for her upcoming journey. I wanted to speak out the feelings my husband and I had felt when we had been there and the feelings we shared with them at this current place in time.

I got the microphone from the DJ and wondered why in the world I felt nervous. I had surely spoken in front of larger crowds. In fact, I've done many more potentially embarrassing things in front of a crowd. I had won first place at Alex Tech's public speaking contest.

I loathed myself for having not memorized my toast. How tacky to be holding this piece of paper.

I turned to face the guests, and made myself remember everything I had learned about being in front of a crowd.

Hold the microphone this way for best voice projection.

Stand this way for the most poise.

Slowly scan the room with your eyes like this so that each person feels as if you are personally addressing them.



Now, make yourself say the words (and as a final tribute to the couple - you can find their story HERE - here's my toast to Steve & Kayla).....

"Good evening everyone.

On behalf of Steve and Kayla, I want to thank you all for coming. There’s not a single one of us here who wouldn’t say our life is busy, so it means a lot of to all of us that you came to celebrate them, their marriage, and their commitment to each other.

I also want to thank Steve for your service in the Marine Corps, and even more so for not choosing the path of least resistance, for volunteering for a combat deployment.

And thank you Kayla, for having the strength to let go. A year and a half ago at Steve & Kayla’s “legal marriage,” we all had to watch as Kayla let go of so many things; she had to let go of the plans they had already made for their wedding, she had to let go of her own personal dreams of that one special day, she had to let go of Steve.....she had to let go of certainty.

When the few of us toasted them on that wintery day, we talked about how the truest love and deepest connection come not just from the happy times but also – and even more so - from  faithfully enduring the bad times. 

Kayla was a beautiful example of what that really looks like, and Kayla was also a beautiful example of a military wife. A military wife’s job is not just to support her husband with letters and care packages and keep up with all the changes in addresses, but it’s even more so to represent her husband in such a way that not only brings honor and respect to him as a person but also to the job that he is doing. Kayla did this all with a smile on her face and selflessness in her heart.

And here we are today at a completely different juncture in their lives. But even so, there are some surprising similarities between what Steve and Kayla faced then and what they face now. Returning to civilian life isn’t as easy or as joyous as many would think. Just when you think you can afford some peace of mind and have earned some certainty in life, you find out that once again you have to let go; let go of the life you thought you would have, let go of the job you thought you wanted, and now that you’re finally together, you have to let go of yourself. And in the midst of all that is finding the balance between letting go and taking risks.

So today this is where Steve and Kayla are at. And as you two already know so well, it’s not just about surviving the moments, surviving the uncertainty and waiting for the clarity, it’s about living right through it all, it’s about learning from it all, and it’s in knowing that these messy, crazy, uncertain moments are the ones that make us who we are.

To Steve & Kayla...

To letting go...

To taking risks...

To ignoring the path of least resistance...

To this beautiful, messy life….

And even more importantly, to the One True God who’s in it all: He made it all, He’s orchestrating it all. May He get all the glory...

Semper Fi."