The Critical Ingredient

What do you do when you realize that you forgot the most important ingredient? When the timer goes off and you pull the cake out of the oven and see that it is still bubbling after an hour at 350 degrees and you realize that you forgot to add the flour? When this was what you were going to bless your family with? A homemade chocolate cake - ruined.

What do you do when your husband heads back into town for his last customer of the day and the little girl, who has been doing amazingly well with this potty training thing, has three accidents in less than half and hour? When you've used up the last pair of clean undies? When there's pee on the carpet in two different spots?

What do you do when the toddlers refused to nap today and now, at 45 minutes before bedtime, they are fussing and wandering around with glazed over eyes? When they have yet to be cleaned up for bed and have teeth brushed and you still haven't put the supper dishes away? When the husband still isn't home?

What do you do when you tell yourself that maybe tonight I'll let myself watch my favorite TV show while I'm tidying the living room and attempting to clean urine out of the carpet but turn it on to see the football game has taken over air time and your show won't be on?

I'm tempted to scream, to run away, to cry, to sniff out any source of chocolate and crawl under my desk and eat it all.

But I've tried those things. They don't help.

No, rather I will search.  While my eyes sting with the selfish tears uncried and while my heart beats wildly with panic over loss of control, over perceived loss of time, over a ruined chocolate cake, I know I am surrounded by them. While I'm scrubbing and soothing and rocking, I will look for them. I know they're here. In all of this mess and chaos, I can still find them.

Yes, Grace and Gratitude are here. But I have to choose them. God's fingerprints of grace are here beautifying the mess, the essence of Who He Is permeating each moment. His gifts are everywhere if I choose to be grateful for them.

These are the critical ingredients. It is grace and gratitude that are the flour of my existence. Together they are the substance that will turn an ooey gooey mess into a delicious masterpiece. The chocolate, the butter, the sugar, the oil - they are all wonderful things, but without flour, they just bake up into a slimy, inedible mess. I need substance. I need what will hold everything together and give my life form.

And so I vow to find them, to name them, to count them....until I find at least 1000. I've been meaning to start this journey of intentional gratitude for weeks now, but every moment is harried, filled with the completing of undone tasks. No moment seems just right enough to begin naming and counting and thanking God for all the blessings I'm surrounded with.

So I choose this moment. When the grace seems to wear thin and when gratitude seems impossible, I begin to search and count.

I thank God for ~

#1. the night time rituals of my little girl - waving na-night, signing "I Love You," and blowing kisses

#2. countless cuddly blankets given to us by so many to snuggle the toddlers with

#3. how both my children love books & want me to keep reading

#4. Pandora-free internet radio- playing piano music over the speakers in the living room - it's vastly better than the TV show anyway

#5. the sound of the husband's Matco truck pulling into the yard

#6. the shed to park the Matco truck in

#7. little boy hands mussing up my hair while he says "I wuv you."

#8. the sound of the door opening as the husband comes home for the night

#9. seperate bedrooms for the toddlers, as they would keep each other awake in the same room

#10. His grace for each moment - reminding myself it's there even when I don't feel it