The Road I'm On

I've traveled many roads.

Looking only at a post-highschool time frame, I've been on the Marine-Corps-girlfriend/fiance/wife road.

I managed to survive the working-two-jobs-and taking-college-classes road.

I traversed the pregnant-and-working-what's-our-future-gonna-look-like road.

And mothering twins has brought me down lots of roads.

Each road that I've traveled has had it's own trials, it's own joys, and more importantly, it's own lessons. I remember so clearly the moment during Adam's second combat deployment when I realized that all of the pain and heartbreak wasn't just something to be endured 'til it was over. It wasn't just a time to survive and wait out 'til the better times. Even though this road was lonely and uncertain, it was worth living and embracing just as much as the happy moments my husband and I worked so hard to cherish and not take for granted. And in the embracing of the hurt and in the facing the lonliness head on, God taught my heart lessons, seasoned my faith in Him, and girded my soul with His promises.

And each subsequent road broad equally vital lessons; most importantly the lesson that even, and maybe even especially, icky life phases have incredible value.

I think about these roads often. And in doing so I'm forced to Face Myself now and the current road I'm on. Being a mother to twin 2 1/2 year olds has brought the worst and some of the best out of me. I've had to face the truly vile parts of my heart. I've had fall to my knees and beg God for wisdom and patience and grace and strength. Being the wife of a man working 14 hour days year-round to establish our new business has made me deal with selfishness and bitterness. It's made me look to God for gracious words to encourage him, to bless him, and to draw him away to spend time with family.

There are times I wish this road was over, but I know such thoughts are futile. There is some lesson to be learned, so I might as well embrace my road.

And I'll link up to Jess' Facing Myself Photo Challenge a bit earlier this month and cringe at how silly I think I look in the above photo! This is all about being vulnerable, right?



This is me, and this is the road I'm on.

(on a side note: I'm feeling a little insecure about my photos this month. Having the kids in my photos last month helped to ease the "I feel stupid doing this" feeling. Plus, the lighting oustide was very stark and I was having problems achieving a balance between getting enough light on my face and not making the background look gross, which I still think it kind of does. Any critiques for me on that? I suppose I could have cropped more of the background off.)

(Also, funny story for those who care:  Notice the spots on my left knee? That's blood - fresh blood. In one set of photos, I hit the timer button, pressed the shutter, and ran around my tripod. However, my favorite old working outside boots have NO traction and I slipped on the gravel falling to both knees! I heard the shutter click 5 times (I use the burst setting for my self portraits) as I brushed gravel off my paints. I now have 2 skinned knees and a bruise the size of Conneticut. Just gonna blame it on Jess!)