Stirring It Up

Stirring up the words, today, that have settled. All the posts unwritten, all the thoughts unexpressed, all the memories tucked in corners.....the things I want to say here, the things I need to say here laying dormant and unused like old paint in the bottom of a paint can.

And I could toss it all out, pretend all those drafted posts aren't there, allow all the thoughts that require the kneading and rising of this place to lay immature in the recesses of my heart. But instead I'm going to stir it up, mixing the seperated parts, until it's all smooth and cohesive.

I want to be here more. Only five posts in September aggravates me in a way I can't explain. But so many things call for my attention. And how does one do it all? The work, the fun, the traditional, the seasonal? All while making it meaningful and working to ground our children in this place called home? All while trying to use the moments intentionally and not let them slip through our fingers in a hurry to get to the next moment?

For the first time since I was 16, I do not have a paying job. This is all by my choice, and I am very happy to be in this place, but I have never worked harder or longer in my life.

And I've come to see that there's a fine line between our work being our idol and our work being our worship. It can all be done for God, or it can all be done for me. The lists can be a tool in my hands or a god that I serve.

I wish I could give credit to the person that said this, but I simply cannot remember where I read it. But these words I will never forget: "Work is not a part of the curse. Unproductive work is part of the curse." Tidying, cleaning, tending, sowing, gathering, tilling, organizing, analyzing, learning.....it's what we were created to do. And I believe that our work is a part of our worship. But completing a task and turning only moments later to see the floor again dirty, the face again grimy, the email list again full with the unreplied, the garden again weedy, the solution discovered now insufficient.....this is a part of the curse, a part of the the fall. It aggravates, it frustrates, it grates against us because God never intended for us to experience unproductive work.

We are living under a curse, and this realization oddly helps. In those moments when I'm late to be somewhere and the dog again dug up the landscaping after I just fixed it and a toddler's shoe tumbles all the way to the bottom of the staircase and the sink is full of dirty dishes only a few hours after I just washed them all and the dryer is beeping at me, I look up and mutter, "Really, God?" But it's not God's perceived lack of help that I fight against, it's not fate that I'm helpless to, it's not karma that I've upset. No, I am daily working against a curse, the consequences we all face for that first sin.

I once read that the idea of tithing, giving God 10% at a bare minimum, was not just meant for money. Nor does it imply some pharisitical approach to life where I weigh out a tenth of every spice and ignore God's heart in the matter. Rather, what if I were to give back to God a tenth not just of our money but also of my time and ideas?

{imagine if I hadn't shot this through a dirty window}

Tithing implies stewardship, that I take appropriate ownership of what I have and fully realize from Whom it came. And when I acknowledge the Giver of all this and when I take stock of what's there, it's only natural to give a portion back, knowing that even 2 small fish and 5 small loaves is a feast for thousands in God's hands. So then, if work is worship, then only naturally and rightfully would also be the giving back of the fruit of our work.

And if a stream of ideas float through my head as a part of my work in raising children, in homemaking, in being a helpmate to my husband then shouldn't I also assess the Giver of these ideas and take subsequent ownership of them? When so many ideas flow through my mind for ways, as a District Manager's wife, to include the wives and families of all our dear distributers should I not push back the fatigue, the desire to keep my time for myself, and the fear of what others may think in order to make at least a portion of those ideas happen? And when countless thoughts run through this head, thoughts that sort out seeing God in this life, should I not at least set aside the time to let a portion of those thoughts run out through my fingers onto this screen?

Finally, when the cohesion of thoughts just won't happen in one post, I turn back to counting, picking up where I left off, a summer's worth of thanks and grace and blessings tucked inside this heart.

And I will link up over at A Holy Experience this time, because Ann is nice enough to leave the linky open for many days, not just Monday, because I just can't seem to publish a post on a Monday.

There's a whole bunch of us counting our blessings over HERE this week.

#331. the crunch of leaves under foot

#332. catching up with favorite blogs

#333. being challenged and inspired with every.single.post

#334. the smell of freshly washed wispy blonde toddler hair

#335. the bittersweet feeling of knowing I can't call them toddlers for much longer

#336. the way the little girl hooks her arm around mine when I hold her

#337. the husband trying so hard to make the family photo shoot work

#338. the reminder on Sunday morning to stir it up, to not let it settle

#339. walk-running the dog during an October sunset in shorts and a t-shirt

#400. the way the little girl tries so hard to like tomatoes